With little commentary, here goes… … …
atrial fibrillation; stroke multiple, (2000, 2002, right hemiplegia); bipolar depression; sick sinus syndrome (pacemaker replacement); gout; fall from a motorized wheelchair; sleep apnea; squamous cell carcinoma, calf pain (recurrent MRSA antibiotic treatment resistance infection, w/scarring, edema, hospitalization); rib pain (under investigation; abdominal pain (rule out gallbladder, pancreas, refer to gastroenterology); chest pain (under investigation); vascular insufficiency; repetitive wrist injury Vicodin/APAP 4 to 6 hrs) w/referral to rheumetology); referral to home health nursing; bi-weekly Coumadin evaluations.
Not to mention the general malaise that’s been plaguing me all this fall and winter. There’s a newspaper cartoon strip I’ve seen in the Los Angeles area (and in other areas I’m sure) in which a minimalistic dog’s clenched jaws are mouthing the slogan of the day. Some days the caption is a newsworthy commentary or opinion. Some days a philosophical tidbit. What ever it is, the dog’s reaction is always the same, the caption is always the same, the dog’s expression, the same: Grrrr!!
I am that dog. Always clenching. Always grimacing. Always pained. ALWAYS!! Always
And I’m tired. If I don’t stop grimacing, if I don’t stop fighting; I’ll die. I’ll die anyway. Any way the end is the same. I’m tired of fighting. I’m scared of NOT fighting. I’ve been fighting for months… … …the months I’ve not been writing for. That’s why I’ve not been writing.
My hands hurt. My HAND hurts. The ONE I have to use!! The one I HAVE. That one hurts. From OVERUSE!! Seven points on the ten point pain scale says its time to stop. For today. Because my hand hurts.
Grrr!! Grrr!! Grrr!!