Ideas ~Time

Inner Voice:

two themes are haunting me.   I have to blog.  I have to read.  the two are mutuallt exclusive. I can’t do both.

i am a political animal.  my son-in-law is a my intellectual equal.  he and i have this friewdly  debate.  he is pro & am cani in several issues.

reading AND writing.  can’t do both.

i can’t remember shit!  So this will be a compliticated idea that I  will eventually lose.  but here goes.

This way of expressing my self!


—–     —–     —–

I don’t care/know if any of this sense.  Lulu, however, says that see can’t follow her ideas to completion before the next another overflow occurs.  I don’t know if it is because of our mutual problem.  Either way, there just isn’t time.

As I’ve said a dozen times, it takes me hours and hours to manufacture and assemble a post.  See my assembly line!   Down, to see what my hands are doing!  Up, to the screen!  Over to the slell check! [sic]!  A little [lillie] mechanical “click” to the next thought.  Left hand; paralyzed hand.  Bite the page!  Cradle the book!  And over again.  And over again.  And over again.  And over again.  Ad nauseum.  Ad mechanium.  Forever.  Forever!  Forever!!

[just a minute ago, I was looking at “lillie”, thinking “lillie”??? …”lillie”?…oh, the woman’s name…Lillie.  OOOhhh!!  Lilly!!!  L-i-l-l-i-e…wait!  Isn’t that supposed to be “Lilly; not “Lillie”?]  “YOU do that 10 times an hour!!  “%$^&%“, he exclaimed, figuratively!

“Shuuush”, the child’s father soothed, reassuringly.   “Take your time.  I’m here.  Catch you’re breath.  You have inportant things to say.  About hope and vourage.  Here; let me help you!”

Where is my father now?

“But I’m so frustrated.  I’m so tired.  I wabt to cry.”

My “inner” father reminds me that crying is organically self-limiting.  Our bodies stop crying on their own.  Exhaustion takes its toll and we sleep. Blessed sleep!

—–     —–     —–

I take a deep, deep breath….  I look for some graphics for  this posyt.  And continue:

So I can’t read  and   blog.  Either/or.  You choose.  I!   I choose.

Its paradoxical that right now I have to choose.  I’m studying for a class on Neuroplasticity.  The brain’s apparent and well-researched ability to heal ITSELF.   How does THAT happen?!  Is there really a God?  Are all things only biological?  There are theories.  But proofs are hard to come by.

It takes time to read when you are aphasic.  For almost ten years I couldn’t do it at all.  Now I can!  How did this occur?  God?  Neuroplasticity?  Concentration?  I don’t know.  I didn’t take classes.  I didn’t practice reading.  I knew letter forms.  I could tell the difference between, say, an X and a 4.  But try to read the what 4 meant, what anything meant was…   …    …how can you describe words without using words.  You try!  I can’t!  But  now I can!

So now I choose to read, not to blog!  Hold on now, Taxi!  You love your blogging!  It is so self-affirming!  You can’t stop now.

—–     —–     —–

Nature may abhor a vacuum, but it also abhor indecision!  Remember fight or flight?  I’ve been playing with this mouse for weeks and its time to pounce!

I will blog only once a week for a month.  Except for political cartooning.  I can find good, thoughtful political cartoons at 

I can keep up the dialogue without burning my circuits.

See!!  Not all Republicans think alike.  Newt will be a disaster.  He is a brilliant man!  He is a flawed candidate.  End of my debate.  I would like a tailor made candidate, exactly to my specifications.  Is Obama exactly to your specifications?  We’ll all see, in the end.

Well, its 10:30PM.  About 5 hours!  Oh, and I took a nap.  Excuu-uuse me!

—–     —–     —–



5 thoughts on “Ideas ~Time

  1. No, I have great difficulty seeing my projects through to completion. I’m easily distracted. If I lose my mojo, I have to wait until it comes back around. All of those banked posts. All of them. Probably 15 by now. Some important, some not. Like my 30 days of Truth. Important. But, I’m stuck. I stopped because I needed a graphic and I wanted something home-made. That’s not going to be possible. I don’t have the right tools for it. And drawing it out would take too much time. And now, I’m going to have trouble picking it back up. You know how that goes.

    I have a hard time blogging and reading. Not because of aphasia, obviously. I have a problem multi-tasking. Short term memory is really short. I can only do so much.

    You are doing great. Fantastic! Brilliant! You read, you write. You do things that others who have gone through may never be able to do again. And guess what? Most importantly, you lived to do all of this.

    And I like that. Double like. Triple like. Like to infinity!

  2. Each time I read your posts I am so inspired by the tremendous amount of fight you have. Remember that crazy saying, “it’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog”? Well, without attributing any canine-like qualities to you at all, just remember–it’s the size of the fight in you that makes all the difference–and your ‘fight-quotient’ is ‘ginormous,’ as the kids say. Continue to be so brave.

    1. As we know, people have a different sense of themselves than others do. My totem has been Ferdinand The Bull. I feel myself fighting only as a last resort. I’d much rather adjust! But in a pinch, some “other” must take over. My wife told me that in the hospital, I was pulling all the tubes out and I had to be restrained. I was NOT in a coma. But I managed to raise hell.

      I will deny it in public [is the blog “public”?] but I guess I’m I real pisser!


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