Another Frustrating Afternoon

you wouldn’t believe what a perfectionist i am.   because most people think i’m so ‘all over the place’.   like a chef in the kitchen, with plates flying, hot dishes slipping, and pots boiling over.

it seems a mess.   but its my kitchen and i know where everything belongs.   i have the blueprint.   its my mess.   all the Swedish meatball recipes are here.  the bouillabaisse is there.   can i find bergamot extract?   of course!   Crystallized violet petals?   How about a cut kitchen whip to make caramel nets or a copper bowl for “egg foam success’?   yes, yes, and yes!

i just can’t communicate it to anyone.  Chef Solo Silento.   he eats his words.    I was like this as long as i can remember, even before my aphasia.

but the aphasia is becoming more important than the hypo-mania.  you and i talk about our hypo-mania.  we write about it in our correspondence.  how do i communicate it to you as an aphasic on the blogosphere?   i can’t conyinue to misspell words w/o losing my train of thought.   i keep thinking ‘spell check is my friend.  ‘spell check is my friend.’   but its not true.   ‘spell check’ is my  enemy.   and my constant companion.   [my sister.  my daughter.  my sister.  my daughter.  my sister AND my daughter.   i keep hearing faye dunaway wailing]  i am typing with my left hand and i am [was] right handed.   its too much to handle. 

i forget the point.  oh.   am i the only blogger who writes like an aphasic thinks.   i wish there were another.    its a lonely life.   i can’t spell check myself into happiness.   this post has taken me more than 3 hours to edit, and re-edit.  I will get it right.   i will get it right.   I Will!

but i’m so tired.


researching this post, i found on google, this coincidence.   “arcane things in a kitchen”, takes you to this:  

Maybe paul mccartney was trying to tell me something, all those years ago.   reading those backwards lyrics.   maybe i should read the bhagavad gita backwards too.  I’m aphasic.  it would make sense to me. 


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