you wouldn’t believe what a perfectionist i am. because most people think i’m so ‘all over the place’. like a chef in the kitchen, with plates flying, hot dishes slipping, and pots boiling over.
it seems a mess. but its my kitchen and i know where everything belongs. i have the blueprint. its my mess. all the Swedish meatball recipes are here. the bouillabaisse is there. can i find bergamot extract? of course! Crystallized violet petals? How about a cut kitchen whip to make caramel nets or a copper bowl for “egg foam success’? yes, yes, and yes!
i just can’t communicate it to anyone. Chef Solo Silento. he eats his words. I was like this as long as i can remember, even before my aphasia.
but the aphasia is becoming more important than the hypo-mania. you and i talk about our hypo-mania. we write about it in our correspondence. how do i communicate it to you as an aphasic on the blogosphere? i can’t conyinue to misspell words w/o losing my train of thought. i keep thinking ‘spell check is my friend. ‘spell check is my friend.’ but its not true. ‘spell check’ is my enemy. and my constant companion. [my sister. my daughter. my sister. my daughter. my sister AND my daughter. i keep hearing faye dunaway wailing] i am typing with my left hand and i am [was] right handed. its too much to handle.
i forget the point. oh. am i the only blogger who writes like an aphasic thinks. i wish there were another. its a lonely life. i can’t spell check myself into happiness. this post has taken me more than 3 hours to edit, and re-edit. I will get it right. i will get it right. I Will!
but i’m so tired.
researching this post, i found on google, this coincidence. “arcane things in a kitchen”, takes you to this: http://www.arcanepalette.com/tips-and-tricks/fixing-bullet-points-list-items-wordpress/.
Maybe paul mccartney was trying to tell me something, all those years ago. reading those backwards lyrics. maybe i should read the bhagavad gita backwards too. I’m aphasic. it would make sense to me.