The White Rabbit Says “I’m Late!

For the past few days, Ive been working at a breakneck pace.  A lot of manic energy.  You see it in my writing.  Very staccato.  I’m sleeping little.  I go to sleep about 2:00 AM and awake at 9:30 AM.   Well, I guess that’s not that bad…about 7 hours.  Oh, but I’m also typing a bit from 4:00 to 7.  Weird, huh!

I do nap for 2  hours in the PM.  A little here, a little there.  Pretty manicy, eh?  But the energy is cool.  It will end, but for now, its cool.  I’m going to see a new psychiatrist in a few days.  Referred by Juddae [like a  Sundae, only more sweet].  My therapist.  More about her later. Always later.

I will tell him that I’m a hypo-manic in a “enthusiastic” state.  That so far, everything is okay but I’m sure it will end.  And I want him to see me ‘in vivo’ as it were.  Apres le deluge.  So when I need him, he’ll know what I used to be.

That’s a sad thing to say, isn’t it?  “I could have been a contender”, Marlon Brando says, in On The Waterfront, “instead of a bum, which is what I am”.   I’ve done well in my life.  My wife, my friends and family, respect me.  Love me?  But the spectre  lingers.  The doubt.  Could I make a mistake?  Could I embarrass myself?  Am I stigmatized?

I hear my fellows on the net talk about themselves.  “Be careful”, they all say.  “I could hurt you!”.  Well, I’ve been hurt.  So what.  If you protect yourself all the time, never get loved at all!  But always there’s the stigma.  Dabrowski talks about it.  Finding his work has made a huge impression on me.

At the moment, my thinking process is all going  >>>>, when it should be going <<<<   me  >>>> in the middle.  {WHAT?}    Its hard to explain.  [“You’re telling me,” my ‘self’ says.  “I have to live with you”.]

Too many themes.  So little time.  And I wanted to tell you about Gabrielle Griffords, the Arizona congress woman who’ll be on TV tonight.   She had aphasia too.

But some things take precedence.  “Dancing With The Stars” right now.


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